time,

during end-of-term seasons, goes all out of whack! yesterday i finally dug deep into my student-identity roots and sat at stauffer from 4pm to 3am. but oddly enough, it mentally felt like a mere afternoon had passed by. even the busyness level on the main floor when i left was comparable to a normal weekday afternoon. if you think about it, really, all we have to keep us in check are our bodies, because they eventually complain, and the big ball of fire in the sky - the primordial measuring device for this phenomenon of time

has been spent on ploughing through material, razing chapter after chapter & seminar after seminar. but hey, there have also been great opportunities for deepening friendships through shared experiences, over food/drink breaks, and by discovering random points of connection. though the days have been full, i think these moments are often the best use of my time

can feel so limited somedays that i just want to cut out the "unnecessaries"...but i'm still learning how to label correctly. yesterday, since i had an exam this morning, i was tempted to spend all day (as in, 8am-12 midnight) planted at a desk with all those sweet details about the Psychology of Reading lying before my eyes. i was precariously close to backing out on my two "big" commitments for the day --daily prayer time in ccf's 24/7 prayer room, and tutoring at my kindergarten class. calculating in all the travel time took me to a total of 4 hours. 4 hours of not-studying, which i could not afford because time had run away on me, again, and i needed every single hour to write up the 8 responses (2 hours per response). plus i would need a nice 8 hours of sleep to be alert today and arrive at my exam on time

is really not mine to control, how many times do i need to relearn this? well, at least this time i responded. God woke me up yesterday morning and said "please do not push me out of the way when you reach panic mode - come and sit at my feet again for a while today." i replied "i'd love to, but i need You to placate my anxious heart!" And He did. So then, while i sat at His feet, i suddenly knew i needed to go to tutoring that afternoon for some reason. still i protested, "Father, i have no time!

is in My hands, child"... ok, i went. and...was i ever glad i did! for i unexpectedly found out that this would be my second-last session with this teacher, whom i have grown to respect quite a bit. she just became a grandma, and that was the go-ahead for her retirement! so the kids will have a new teacher next term. and the teacher said, "don't worry boys and girls...i won't be around anymore, but i know you'll love your new teacher, and Miss Yan will still be around to help you guys out too" -- O man...the way their worried little faces cracked into smiles when she said that! SO adorable. i would've traded 5 failing grades for those smiles! i started off quite wary, even intimidated by this rather strict kindergarten (!) teacher, but i've learned a lot from her since the beginning of the school year. how things can change over time...

was still ticking when i returned to the library to spend the rest of the evening writing up those responses. by midnight i still had some ways to go, so i anticipated no sleep.
then. i walked over to the printers to pick up some pages of rough notes. a girl i've never seen before (apparently she presented her seminar that one time i missed class!) came up and said, "hey are you in PSYC 365?" "yah?" "oh, i thought so...i was wondering if you have the writeup for #9? i'll trade you for #2 and #5?" i looked down at my notes. Ah, #9. The one answer i had perfected. Ah, #2 and #5. The two answers i hadn't touched.
"SURE!"
*bam* 2 responses x 2 hours projected writeup time = that's right, 4 hours of work saved. sweeeet...so i got to go home and grab some sleep after all. He kept me awake this morning while i wrote the exam and now i am still quite alert! Now tell me, really...who has ultimate control over time?

to listen to His voice & obey wholeheartedly. As laid out in 1 Peter 5:6-7 -- "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."